There is a class at the community center called Optimal Digestion.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
"Oh, great Ear in the SKY!!"
-guy at work wearing a polo shirt with the Klingon symbol on it.
You'll all be glad that I did not kill everyone at the bridal store this past weekend. But I was sorely tempted, in so many ways. I could've gone all Boston Strangler with a $200 piece of netting (or a "veil", which somehow justifies the price?). Or clubbed people with a stack of dyeable shoes. Can you actually drown someone in organza? I was tempted to find out. Those tiaras have some pretty pointy edges that could lend themselves to felony activity. But now that I think about it, the easiest way to kill everyone at the bridal store would be to hold up some article of clothing/jewelry at one end of the store and shout "THIS WILL MAKE ME THE MOST PERFECT AND BEAUTIFUL BRIDE EVERRR! HAHAHAH!" And then all the psychobridestobe would work it out amongst themselves, I am sure, as I escape through the air conditioning ducts.
Okay, mild guilt about talking (in detail) about the demise of poor girls who are likely in the same boat as I am... loaded down with lists of things to do and the demands of crazy relatives that do not accurately reflect their checkbook balance. But I do get awfully edgy in crowds of persnickety insane-o consumers, and I have a pretty low tolerance level for bullshit. The complaint, for example, that the lace on one's veil does not match that of the tablecloths?! That is CRAZY TALK and anyone who says it should at least be doused in cold water. Not because it will improve thir mindset, but because I would find it funny. Wouldn't you?
-guy at work wearing a polo shirt with the Klingon symbol on it.
You'll all be glad that I did not kill everyone at the bridal store this past weekend. But I was sorely tempted, in so many ways. I could've gone all Boston Strangler with a $200 piece of netting (or a "veil", which somehow justifies the price?). Or clubbed people with a stack of dyeable shoes. Can you actually drown someone in organza? I was tempted to find out. Those tiaras have some pretty pointy edges that could lend themselves to felony activity. But now that I think about it, the easiest way to kill everyone at the bridal store would be to hold up some article of clothing/jewelry at one end of the store and shout "THIS WILL MAKE ME THE MOST PERFECT AND BEAUTIFUL BRIDE EVERRR! HAHAHAH!" And then all the psychobridestobe would work it out amongst themselves, I am sure, as I escape through the air conditioning ducts.
Okay, mild guilt about talking (in detail) about the demise of poor girls who are likely in the same boat as I am... loaded down with lists of things to do and the demands of crazy relatives that do not accurately reflect their checkbook balance. But I do get awfully edgy in crowds of persnickety insane-o consumers, and I have a pretty low tolerance level for bullshit. The complaint, for example, that the lace on one's veil does not match that of the tablecloths?! That is CRAZY TALK and anyone who says it should at least be doused in cold water. Not because it will improve thir mindset, but because I would find it funny. Wouldn't you?
