"give piss a chance"
- sign in the KFC bathroom in Transylvania, with a picture of a guy and a urinal

I barely even care what the sign says, I'm so excited that a friend ended up at a KFC in Transylvania. (Apparently, they don't have popcorn chicken.)

This story comes from Black Susan, who is currently imprisoned in Texas! (I mean that she's there for her job - she's not actually in prison.)

I'm in Austin, TX, which is only slightly annoying, but certainly more
annoying on weekends when I am by myself. I finally dragged myself
out of my mopey "I wanna go home" weekend funk this afternoon and went
downtown to have lunch at a noodle shop and hang out at a coffee place
(with free wireless!) for a while, at least until it gets dark or
until the panic that I'm illegally parked takes over and I sprint for
my rental car. (I didn't SEE it say anything about how long I could
park there...)

While I was eating a bowl of spicy and peanutty noodles with nicely
grilled chicken slices, there were two women sitting at a nearby
table, and they ordered (among other things) lettuce wraps. First
they got impatient that their food did not come out INSTANTLY. It
couldn't; the one cook was busy frying my pot stickers. Then, the
lettuce wraps come out on (horrors!) romaine lettuce! The woman who
ordered them gets huffy, and then downright angry, and then yells at
the waitress, "How am I supposed to wrap that! It's the wrong kind of
lettuce! It's a wrap, it should come on the other kind of lettuce!
This is crap lettuce!" CRAP LETTUCE? Please. A little creative
rolling would show that the rib down the center of romaine lettuce
serves as a handy support for the filling contained inside of the
wrap. The woman actually left a note for the owner and kept insisting
they take down the picture of the iceberg lettuce wraps on the wall
because it was "false advertising." I can't believe I witnessed
someone working herself up into a shrill-voiced frenzy all on account
of a lettuce leaf!

Can you imagine what would've happened if something actually important would've gone wrong?? Some people need a check of their priorities!

My sister-in-law and I were at Nordstrom's over the weekend. As she was buying some shoes (those really cute ballet-slipper type ones), a couple came up to the counter to return some shoes.... some nasty-ass gold lame' platform shoes that had been bought TWO YEARS AGO! They - well, HE argued and argued with the salesperson while she just stood there looking dumb, and the poor people at Nordstrom's finally took 'em back just to get Crazy Man and Miss Toe Jam out of their store. Even if a pair of my shoes spontaneously combusted - if you've had them for two years (and have obviously been wearing them), you can't return them. Well, I guess you can, but I would be unbearably embarassed to even try. (Plus - exploding shoes! Cool!)

Goddamn insomnia!!