"It smells like barf!"
-kid in the grocery store parking lot
Kids are hilarious. We were in line at Target last weekend, and the 5-year old behind us decided to get chatty. A few steps into the conversation:
me: So how old are you?
kid: I'm 5. How old are you?
me: I'm 29.
Her eyes widen, like I'm the oldest person she's ever met.
kid: (softly) Ohhhh. Do you have kids?
me: No, not yet.
kid: Why not? When are you going to have kids?
me: Geez, you and my mother! Um.....
kid: When you get pregnant?
me: (relieved) Yep. When I get pregnant.
kid: When you get pregnant, you can't bend over. Can you bend over now?
me: (suppressing laughter at her father, who looks horrified) Yeah, I think I can bend over!
kid: Show me!
Not being one to bend over on command, I laughed and paid for my purchases, as the kid tried to convince her dad that I really should show her that I can bend over. Just to make sure I'm not pregnant, I guess? Cheapest pregnancy test ever!
And this wasn't overheard, but how many times in the history of Ever do you think
this has been said?
"I need to dust my fez."
-my husband
On the unusual personal note:
So, I went to church with my mom today. Don't worry, I'm still a non-believing heathen. But I did want to sing Christmas songs, and she was so completely happy to have some company. It was a pretty weird experience, seeing everyone with whom I used to be a Believer. But we were late (by my design) and I left right after Sacrament meeting, so I didn't have to chat with anyone. And then I went home and put on my slutty Excommunicated Mormon Drinking Team micro-tank and went to the bar. (Except that Four Peaks was closed, so I changed my shirt and we went to Chompies instead. Hey, I tried.)
Happy holidays, everyone! This includes Boxing Day, Kwanzaa, Do-Mi-Do Denser Than Balsa Wood Day, National Whiner's Day, Day of the Wren (Ireland), Junkanoo (Bahamas), Day of Goodwill (South Africa) and Mao Tze-Tung's birthday, all of which are on December 26th. Woo!
